So Long, Farewell (to my skill as a musician)!

For years, my mom dreamed of having a family of musicians.  Because I have four siblings, I think (for whatever reason) she visualized all five of us forming a band.  One of her favorite movies is the Sound of Music, so I think that this scene is probably pretty similar to what she had in mind…

My older brother complied and learned to play an assortment of instruments, including piano, tuba, trumpet, and trombone.  He actually went above and beyond my mom’s expectations and now can play a total of eight instruments; he even joined the band in high school and college.  So, when I was in high school and was still not proficient with an instrument, my mom felt that I, compared to my brother, was slacking.  

Just look at that show-off! (He's the one in the middle)

Thus, my mom took it upon herself to buy me a brand new guitar (because every band needs a guitar, right?), complete with six months’ worth of guitar lessons.  Consequently, I gave it a chance.

Because my brother was so musically-inclined, I was very ambitious and I determined that I was going to be just as talented within the first couple of weeks.  After a while, I was still absolutely terrible not very good and I began to get frustrated.  Therefore, I started procrastinating when I was supposed to practice.  Then, when I got to my guitar lesson, I could just explain my terrible playing to my instructor by saying, “Oh I didn't have time to practice. I had too much homework” or “I had a basketball practice last night and I was just too tired,” or something along those lines. 

I did not realize it at the time, but I was self-handicapping.  Self-handicapping is when people put obstacles in their own way, to preserve their self-esteem from failure (Berglas & Jones, 1978). 

First, I was setting myself up to fail, by setting unrealistic expectations (e.g., comparing myself to my brother, who had been playing instruments for many years).  Past work has found that one self-handicapping technique (often used by perfectionists) is to set impractical goals for oneself (Hewitt et al., 2003), which is exactly what I did.  So when I failed, I could blame my failure on my idealistic standards, instead of my own competence at learning to play guitar.

Second, I procrastinated and did not practice as much as I should have.  One study theorized that people procrastinate as a self-handicapping technique (Ferrari, 1998); in other words, people give themselves an excuse for failure, which helps to buffer their self-esteem from the idea that their failure was their own fault.  By convincing myself that I was too busy to practice, I gave myself an excuse for not playing well.  

Of course, by self-handicapping, I never learned to play guitar.  Ironically, by setting myself up to fail, I actually failed.  So, although we don’t have a family full of musicians, at least my brother plays enough instruments to make up for my self-handicapping!  (n=492)

References

Berglas, S., & Jones, E. E. (1978). Drug choice as a self-handicapping strategy in response to noncontingent success.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(4), 405-417.   doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.36.4.405

Ferrari, J. R. (1998). Procrastination. In H. S. Friedman (Ed.). Encyclopedia of mental health (pp. 5.1-5.7). San Diego: Academic Press.

Hewitt, P. L., Flett, G. L., Sherry, S. B., Habke, M., Parkin, M., Lam, R. W., ... & Stein, M. B. (2003). The interpersonal expression of perfection: Perfectionistic self-presentation and psychological distress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(6), 1303-1325.