The Myths of Happiness

            The Myths of Happiness is a self-help book written by Sonja Lyubomirsky, an “expert” in the science of happiness.  Lyubomirsky covers “myths” about happiness, such as things that are supposed to make us happy or are supposed to make us unhappy.  For example, some people believe that they will be happy when they meet “the one” or when they are rich and successful.  Positive psychology research supports that we overestimate the extent to which certain events (which Lyubomirsky terms “crisis points”) impact our happiness (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  In other words, this tendency to overestimate the duration and intensity of events is called affective forecasting (Gilbert et al., 1998).  This is due to our inabilities to take into account other events that are co-occurring with the major stressor and our “psychological immune system,” which helps us to cope with intense emotions (Gilbert et al., 1998; Lyubomirsky, 2013). 

            Furthermore, Lyubomirsky splits the “crisis points” into three categories: connections (e.g., marriage, divorce, children), work and money (e.g., jobs, being broke or rich), and looking back (e.g., regrets, old age).  Belief that these events will make us incredibly happy or unhappy can have negative effects.  For example, if you believe that marriage will make you forever happy but you do not feel happy in your marriage (due to the natural “ups and downs” of relationships), you may attribute normal relationship processes to your spouse as a bad partner.  Or, if you believe that without a partner, you will be forever unhappy, it will lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.  A self-fulfilling prophecy is when individuals act in such a way that their original expectations lead to behaviors that confirm them (Rosenthal & Jacobson, 1968).  In other words, if you think that you should be unhappy, you will look for reasons or behave in ways that make you feel unhappy. 

            Thus, The Myths of Happiness helps the reader to target and dissect these myths to combat their negative effects on our happiness.  Lyubomirsky’s goals in writing this book are to provide scientifically-based tools to help individuals develop strategies to working through myths to lead a more happy and healthy life.  She provides helpful techniques to be prepared for any “crisis points” that come your way. 

                                                       Sonja Lyubomirsky  

The author of The Myths of Happiness is Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky.  Lyubomirsky is a professor of Psychology at the University of California, Riverside, where she has been teaching for the past 20 years (Lyubomirsky, 2014).  She received a Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Stanford University in 1994 and an A.B. from Harvard University in Psychology in 1989 (Lyubomirsky, 2014).  She has received numerous honors, including a Science of Generosity grant, a John Templeton Foundation grant, a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize, and a grant from the National Institutes of Mental Health (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  Furthermore, she has published over 59 journal articles, 30 book chapters, and numerous other publications (Lyubomirsky, 2014).  Moreover, The Myths of Happiness has been translated into eleven languages thus far, with six contracts in the works and Lyubomirsky’s previous book, titled The How of Happiness, has been translated into 23 languages and has been cited over 600 times (Lyubomirsky, 2014).  In other words, Lyubomirsky is an expert on the science of happiness!  In addition, her books are very credible.  The Myths of Happiness has over 400 citations and The How of Happiness received praise from other important Positive Psychologists, including Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Dan Gilbert, and Martin Seligman (Lyubomirsky, 2013).

Applications of The Myths of Happiness

            The Myths of Happiness is very applicable for most people!  Lyubomirsky provides many tips and strategies combating myths of happiness and for coping with both major and minor stressors.  One of the most helpful sections (and most applicable to me, currently) was the section on connections.  Lyubomirsky describes how we experience hedonic adaptation, which is a normal process by which individuals grow accustomed to emotional changes (2013).  In romantic relationships, we first experience the passionate love phase, a stage marked by obsessive thoughts and ardent emotional experiences (also called the honeymoon phase); soon our relationships shift into the compassionate love phase, where we get to know our partner more (Hatfield & Sprecher, 1998).  To combat the decrease in passion, Lyubomirsky suggests that individuals try to continue to be grateful and appreciative of their partners, introduce variety and novelty into the relationship, surprise our partner, and to engage in self-expansive tasks (2013).  Self-expansive tasks are new experiences that are stimulating and help us to grow as individuals; engaging in these activities with our partners is correlated with more passion and more satisfaction (Aron, Norman, & Aron, 1998).

            I have used some of Lyubomirsky’s tips in my own relationship.  Although I am not yet married, I still found the information applicable to my long-term relationship (My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years).  Because we have been together for so long, we have definitely experienced the lulls and petty grievances that Lyubomirsky describes.  After reading the book, I appreciated even more the social support that my boyfriend provides me.  The past month has proved very stressful and he has been there every step of the way, providing support and assistance when I needed it most.  Furthermore, I have noticed that he already engages in many of the behaviors that Lyubomirsky suggests.  For instance, he surprises me often, such as when he brings me Starbucks after I’ve stayed up all night studying.  He also makes the most of my good news (another tip that Lyubomirsky suggests). 

            I have also applied the chapter on being broke to my life.  Past work on wealth and happiness presents a controversial relationship (Diener & Seligman, 2004).  As a general rule, it seems that after the ability to meet basic needs, wealth does not have much more of an impact on happiness (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  Thus, material possessions do not impact our happiness as much as many people think.  So, Lyubomirsky (2013) suggests buying small pleasures rather than large ones, buying experiences instead of possessions, and spending money to buy time. 

            Lastly, I have applied the “looking back” chapter to my life as well.  Lyubomirsky (2013) describes the processes of recalling past events.  First, there is a rosy recollection effect, which is the tendency to remember positive aspects of events more vividly (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  This effect can lead to two processes.  We can either use the endowment effect, which is a process by which past positive events bring us joy (e.g., nostalgia) or the contrast effect, which is when we compare negative present events to positive past events, which can lead to the feeling that the “good old days” are behind us (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  Lyubomirsky (2013) suggests using the endowment effect or adapting the contrast effect by comparing past negative events with current positive events.  For example, I studied abroad two years ago and had the time of my life.  Thinking back on my time abroad makes me feel happy and blessed to have such a wonderful experience.  But, I also tend to compare my time abroad to my present life in Georgetown, which is decidedly less exciting.  Now, I am armed to combat the contrast effect and remember that I had bad times abroad as well.

Strengths and Shortcomings of The Myths of Happiness 

            Originally, I chose The Myths of Happiness because of two things: (1) interest and (2) I want to be happy! I think it was a good choice.  It was especially helpful in that it provided strategies on how to manage stressors (both positive and negative).  At the end of each chapter is a section titled, “The Prepared Mind,” which gives a fairly concise “take-away” for that chapter.  For example, in the chapter on marriage, one “myth” is that marriage will always make you happy, which can lead to distress when the passionate love stage (in other words, the honeymoon phase) subsides (Lyubomirsky, 2013).  Lyubomirsky provides several tactics to understand and combat the lull in passion, including (1) taking a step back, (2) acknowledging the natural process of complaints in a marriage, and (3) taking steps to strengthen and improve the relationship (2013).

            Furthermore, another useful aspect of the book is that it is written in such a way that you can just pick it up from time-to-time and read about whichever “crisis point” (e.g., relationship troubles, marriage, job promotion) you are experiencing.  In other words, you do not have to read the entire book for help on your stressor, just one chapter, which can be beneficial given that most major stressors take up a lot of a person’s time.  Similarly, it is useful for individuals who have less use for certain chapters.  For instance, I did not glean a lot of information relevant to my personal life out of the chapter about having kids (because I do not plan on having kids for a LONG time!).  Therefore, others who have or are thinking about having children will definitely find certain chapters more useful than I did (e.g., as a broke college student, another less relevant chapter was about being rich!).

            Overall, The Myths of Happiness was great! However, I wish that Lyubomirsky had provided a few more examples to make it a little more interesting (especially to target people who are less familiar with psychology).  Also, the book could get a little wordy at times, which could make it hard for a lay person to get through it. 

            I would recommend The Myths of Happiness to others.  I think that most people would find it useful and applicable, given that all people will experience one of the “crisis points” at one point in their life.  The best audience would probably be someone who is or is about to experience a major stressor (e.g., about to get married, coping with illness, about to change jobs).  I would also recommend it to other social psychology students.  So far, we have not learned that much about positive psychology, so the book would be a good read for anyone who is interested (although, we may cover more when we cover interpersonal relationship).   

Conclusion

            In sum, The Myths of Happiness is a very useful and thought-provoking book.  The main “take-away” is to take a step back and observe the situation from the outside.  Then, try to “look on the bright side” of things and find ways to inject variety and positive emotion into your life. (n=1735)

References

Aron, A., Norman, C. C., & Aron, E. N. (1998). The self-expansion model and motivation. Representative Research in Social Psychology, 22. 1-13.

Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. (2004). Beyond money toward an economy of well-being. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 5(1), 1-31.

Gilbert, D. T., Pinel, E. C., Wilson, T. D., Blumberg, S. J., & Wheatley, T. P. (1998). Immune neglect: A source of durability bias in affective forecasting. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(3), 617-638.

Hatfield, E., & Sprecher, S. (1998). The passionate love scale. Handbook of Sexuality-Related Measures, 449-451.

Lyubomirsky, S. (2013).  The myths of happiness.  New York, NY:  The Penguin Press

Lyubomirsky, S. (2014).  Curriculum Vitae. Retrieved from: http://sonjalyubomirsky.com/files/2012/09/Lyubomirsky-CV-Nov-2014.pdf

Rosenthal, R., & Jacobson, L. (1968). Pygmalion in the classroom: Teacher expectation and pupils' intellectual development. New York, NY US: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.